What's eating Cronos, anyways?

Or more specifically, "What's Cronos eating?" Why, children, of course!


Move over Mike Tyson and your desire to eat Evander Holyfield's children, cuz Cronos has you beat...he eats his own children!


Yep, that's right, according to our historian friends at Ginter, Cronos was "The leader of the titans, reigned during the golden age" and "To protect his throne, he ate his childer as they were born".


Agg, no wonder he looks sick to his stomach on this card! Luckily for humanity, his wife Rhea (who no doubt was getting a little tired of Cronos eating all of her children "Oh come on Cronos, not this AGAIN! Really??), found a way to hide "some" children from him, and eventually led to his demise as one of these children (Zeus of all people) did him in. crazy.


Can you imagine how this would go down?



Cronos: "Honey, isn't your baby due soon?"


Rhea: "Umm, false alarm, I am not pregnant"


Cronos: " What? But you have had a belly for months!"

Rhea: "Oh....well that was just a couple of pillows, haha, April Fools!"

Cronos: "Hey, haven't you used that joke on me before? It sounds vaguely familar."

Rhea: "Huh? Oh, I don't know. Here, have a beer. Hey, what do you think of the name Zeus anyways?"

So how exactly did Rhea hide Zeus from Cronos, you might ask? WELL, it would seem that when it came time for some baby eating, Rhea served up Cronos a nice, fatty ol rock instead! Fooled you Cronos.

Did I mention that Cronos became Leader of the Titans by castrating his father, Uranus? Another story for another day.